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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Are you a builder, or a destroyer?

So my 5 year old is fascinated with destroying things (thanks to Lego Batman on the Wii). We have had many conversations recently about why we would rather "build" than destroy. He can't seem to grasp why destroying things is bad..."but Mami, I would rebuild it!" he says to me. Wow...the innocence of a 5 year old and the ability to quickly rebuild the lego creation he has made.
It got me thinking though...I was watching a TV show where one young lady was talking badly about another young lady, and it hit me what she was doing was, in essence, destroying.
We as girls, or women, no matter our age have opportunities EVERYDAY to build or destroy others. We all know the destroyers, the girls who are unkind to others to their face, or behind their backs. The girls who gossip and talk about another girl who isn't as pretty as, as well dressed as, or as WHATEVER as they are. The girls who pointedly ignore another girl, when it would be so easy to include her in their conversation....YES we all know these girls, and I would be willing to wager we have all BEEN that girl at some point in time. Its so easy to whisper to a friend about another girls hideous haircut, or giggle about how bad her make-up is that day. Its so easy to get mad at a friend and tell someone else secrets about them that you know will break their heart to be found out.
Its easy to destroy!
We all know the builders too, those girls that make a point of talking to everyone, who have a smile for every person who walks by. Those girls who we get SO irritated with sometimes because they won't talk bad about anyone...even though we are. We know the girls who make a point of complimenting a shy girl, or drawing the new girl into a conversation. The girls who invite "that weird girl" to their party...just to be nice!
-- So ladies, which are you? Are you a builder? Do you make an effort to make each person feel like a better person when you are around, to never want to hurt or to be unkind? Are you the kind of person who finds ways to make people smile, and to serve those who are hurting? Or are you a destroyer? And if you are, what can you do to change it? I think we all have had moments where we have felt better about ourselves after someone else made a positive influence in our lives. How can YOU be THAT girl?
I personally know there have been times in my life where I destroyed a little, where I thought (like my 5 year old) that my words weren't going to be THAT big of a deal...and I could always fix the damage later, right? Wrong. You can never erase unkind actions or words...believe me, I have tried.
I remember one day when I was about 16 a guy had hurt me. This was a guy that everyone liked, but he was a jokester and teased unmercifully. I found out later that he had a little crush on me, and of course teased me even worse (stupid boys). Well, one day something that he said really hurt, and even though I KNEW he didn't mean it, I LET HIM HAVE IT! I didn't just tell him off, I did it in front of other people.  My words were cutting and sharp. I have always had a way with words and I used my intelligence to wound him, with an audience!
Gals, I will never forget the look on his face. It worked! He was hurt, and badly...and everyone was there to witness his "destruction". For about 30 seconds I felt elated, and vengeful- he got what he deserved, I thought. Then I saw his face.  I wished so hard that I could have taken those words back. We can do so much damage in just a short time span with hurtful words. Our "friendship" was never the same, and he was always very careful around me, not to talk much. I was a destroyer.
How much better would it have been, for me to swallow my anger and pride and talk to him later, in private and tell him that his teasing was bothering me. My words were painful for him, and I did it on PURPOSE!
I learned an important lesson that day, that speaking in anger and the heat of the moment, might be gratifying for a moment...but it inflicts long term scars. I always felt badly about my words- and never forgot them. And worse, other people remembered me for them. That's NOT how you want to be remembered, ya know? I would rather use my gift with words to help, and make others happy. I want to remember the faces of those I am around because of their happiness, not their hurt.
 Be A Builder
Find ways to brighten the world around you as much as you can. Bring a smile to those who are sad, and serve those in need. Make the world around you a better place and you will always be surrounded by friends and people that love you :)

Barbies Verses G.I. Joe
Do you ever wonder if you are ever going to figure out that mystery they call the opposite sex?
Have you just given up on ever having a successful relationship with one of “them”?
Whether you are dealing with a good friend or a romantic interest, the key to better communication revolves around recognizing and appreciating your differences. And how to use them to your advantage!
SO Read on, Relax, and start talking on the same LEVEL!
*Disclaimer- Obviously the following is a generalization!  Every person is a unique individual, and you should spend every day of a relationship getting to really know that person on an individual basis, but this is a good place to start.
Basic Differences Between Guys and Girls


-Very Verbal, Talk about Everything, solve problems by talking them out. Want to know whats wrong—Listen to understand, and to empathize. Good to talk to because they make you feel like they really care about your problem
-Emotional, Don’t like to be teased as much, take everything to heart, and everything is an insult. Much more sensitive about appearance, and others perception of them
-Natural Mothers…-Gentle, kind, caring,
-“Feelers”—Both physically and emotionally.
-Need Little reassurances of affection—Love surprises, and random expressions of appreciation
-Need Respect and Romance
-Read in between the lines and TALK IN RIDDLES!!! And expect guys to understand- (they don’t!)
-Build Castles in the Sky about everything- (DREAMERS)
-Like to talk about everything that happens in a relationship- Want to go over every detail over and over
-Very "Touchy" put their hands on a guys arm, or play with his hair, etc. Its natural for girls and they may not realize how it affects a guy.
-Girls like holding hands, and to have a guys arm around their shoulders or their waist.
- Like to feel protected and safe--
-Feelings change fast and often, easily become mistrustful--
-Believe that if something is good, there is always a way to make it better—Never satisfied with mediocrity. A favorite phrase is...“can we move to the next level in our relationship”- or feeling the need to “define the relationship”
-Often hold a grudge, can’t forget a fight – Bring it up over and over..
-Want Empathy from guys
-Motivated when they feel cherished.
-Need someone to talk to when they are upset

-Better problem solvers; Think things out logically- Want explanations. Often when thinking they retreat into themselves, and don’t have any desire for conversation.
-Thinkers and Do-ers
-Not very verbal…enjoy talking, but not about everything. Enjoy downtime- and just NOT thinking for awhile (girls can NOT get this!)
-Listen to SOLVE problems, listen for the why, when and how
- Focus more on Facts instead of feelings!
-Natural Fathers…desire leadership, power, independence
–Often don’t know limits when teasing
-More easygoing, take things for what they are, don’t read into every thing
-BLUNT, pretty much tell it like it is
-Don’t know how to read between the lines (or even that they are expected to), so they often misunderstand girl’s intentions!
-Don’t understand that girls read so much into their words.
-Say whats on their mind without thinking first
-Need acceptance
-Need to feel like they are NEEDED, don’t like to feel expendable.
-Like to feel like they are pleasing others
-Guys are affected strongly by physical touch, they notice every touch you bestow- even if they aren't listening to what you say  
–Have a natural instinct for protection, often feel that they have to prove their Manhood- they don’t want to feel like a girl has to do something for them...or stand up for them
-Believe in the theory that “if it ain’t broke- then don’t fix it!” (especially in relationships)
-Forgive more easily…move on and forget past problems. Don’t usually hold grudges
-Have a hard time just listening…They think girls want solutions…try to solve their problems for them…and just cause more
-Need to be alone when they are upset
-Like to feel that they are the one in control of the relationship, but like to feel wanted.
-Do NOT like to be told what to do, or how to think
-NOT naturally spontaneous  Its not in their nature to surprise you with flowers girls...you have to let them KNOW this is something you want, or expect...they can’t read minds-- and the same goes with anything else you expect of them

Not Who I Used to Be

      Two nights ago, I was writing in my journal.  The past few days have been pretty rough, after not getting the job I really wanted, and after not getting the boy I've currently got my heart set on.  So naturally, I was venting all of my frustrations into my trusting journal, not to mention the $100 to fix my computer.  Needless to say, I had quite a bit to vent.  Then I stopped writing about the irritations of the day, and simply reflected on something interesting that had occurred in my life.
       On Sunday, I ran into a past boy-friend, and he was exactly the same.  I got to really thinking about that moment when I saw him, and how I was able to smile and say hi, no hint of hesitation or pain in my whole being, and how he couldn't.  I realized, in that journal-writing time...I really have changed.  I'm not who I used to be, and I am entirely happy with who I am now.  Life is a continual progression forward.  We're always so worried about not changing too much, or holding onto past things that were perfect, but I am asking you...why?  We cannot move forward if we never allow ourselves to let go of the past.  That's like tying yourself to a huge rock and then walking forward like you actually might go somewhere...that's not how it works.  
      We are supposed to change, we are supposed to progress.  And this realization hit me with so much emotion, that lo and behold a new song was born.  No- I am not who I used to be, and that is fine with me. I like the girl I see when I wake up in the morning.  I love her inside and out- no matter how much I wish was better, or what love-handles I wish didn't exist at all.  I still love that girl I see, and I am happy with the changes that have taken place in life.  

Remember the days,
 when the world was still new?
I thought magic and kings, fairies with wings,
weren't stories, but true.

Late under my sheets, 
I turned pages and pages,
convincing myself- they were real.

Years have gone by,
 the mysteries have faded 
that I used to see...
I'm not who I used to be.

(Music break)

When I was seventeen,
I believed I could change anything,
about a boy from a different land
who happened to take my hand.

But one day I realized 
It was me who was changing...
not him or his lies.

I've come to know the one in the mirror,
I've seen the hopes of a fairytale dreamer,
coming to life, 
after pain, after strife
and Im finally starting to see...
I'm not who I used to be.

The chains of the past,
hold to me fast,
but I'm breaking free from their misery
I'm not the girl I used to be.

So I wait for the day, 
my prince walks my way,
straight from my dreams
into reality
and to who I'm becoming.

I've come to know the one in the mirror,
I've seen the hopes of a fairytale dreamer,
coming to life, 
after pain, after strife
and Im finally starting to see...
I'm not who I used to be.

      I'll be posting a video of me singing it in the next day or so, which means stay tuned! :) Thanks for allowing me to share!